PostYourSuicideNoteHere

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Showing posts from October, 2017

SUICIDAL? THIS MAY BE HELPFUL ☔

This article is not intended as a replacement for suicide counselling. If you or someone you know may be at risk of committing suicide, contact emergency services in your area immediately to get professional advice. Your local phone book will have the telephone numbers of distress lines and support agencies. On average, about 3,900 Canadians take their own lives every year - this often exceeds the number of deaths caused by road accidents. Although more women attempt suicide, about four times as many men as women die from their suicide attempt. The reason for this is that men generally use more lethal means such as firearms, hanging, or asphyxiation (suffocation). Women often use drug overdoses or asphyxiation, or they cut themselves. Firearms are used in about 30% of all suicides. Of all deaths that involve firearms, about 80% are estimated to be suicides. Certain groups have disproportionately high suicide rates compared to the general population: adolescents - in Canada, suicide ac...

SYMPTOMS OF DEPRESSION AND WORKABLE WAYS TO WALK THROUGH IT.

To overcome depression, it helps to know the facts Depression is a medical condition and not “laziness” or a temporary response to normal grief and/or discouragement. A major depressive episode is defined as experiencing five or more of the following symptoms every day (or most days) for two weeks or more: 1) Depressed or irritable mood Sleep problems (i.e., sleeping too much or too little; sleeping mainly during the day) 2) Change in interests (i.e., not being interested in what you used to enjoy) or low motivation 3) Excessive guilt or unrealistically low self-image 4) Significantly low energy and/or change in self-care (i.e., not showering anymore) 5) Significantly worse concentration (i.e., sharp decline in grades or performance) 6)Changes in appetite (i.e., eating too much or too little) 7)Agitation or severe anxiety/panic attacks Suicidal thoughts, plans or behaviors — including self-harm (i.e., intentionally cutting or burning yourself) It’s important to remember that no...

The Sickening Details They Found On The Note In The Vegas Shooter’s Room

Stephen Paddock managed to pull off the most deadly mass shooting in modern American history, but there’s something about his awful attack that stands out from all those who have come before him. That’s the lack of a ‘why’, because after sifting through everything with a fine comb investigators are still no closer to figuring out what led him to open fire from the 32nd floor of the Mandalay Hotel and Casino. Images circulating last week showed a note on one of the tables in his room (HERE) , and many thought this would finally shed light on Paddock’s motives. Turns out that note was just another example of how meticulous his planning was, with this below via Slate: Police say that the cryptic note found in Stephen Paddock’s hotel room were really calculations to help him kill as many people as possible. Four of the officers who were the first to storm into the hotel room at the Mandalay Bay hotel talked to CBS’ 60 Minutes and revealed what was on the note. “I did notice, a note on...

I HATE HOW MY MUM HATES REAL ME.

I hate how awful my brother makes me feel. I hate how I have to smile for my mom. I hate how my brother is like my mom and gets easily mad. I hate how I do the same to my little brother and have to try to stop myself. I hate how I do the same things all day. I hate when it’s my mom’s off days because she is always watching to make sure I act happy. I hate how my mom hates the real me. I hate how she loves this mask, this facade. I hate how even on here I’m just some annoying person who tries too hard to fit in. I hate how no one likes me for who I truly am. I hate how when I say things they’re always weird and no one gets them. I hate how my friends want to constantly talk to me when I want to be alone because they talk about all these stupid silly things. I hate how I’m trapped in my life and can’t end it because I have no access to the way I want to go. Off a high building or cliff. I hate how I don’t want my family to feel pain afterwords but I’m slowly growing to not care because m...

I WAS DESPISED BECAUSE OF MY STUNTED GROWTH.

Ghanaian actor, Stephen Atanga also known as Don Little recently revealed that he almost committed suicide after his biological parents despised him because of his stunted growth. In an interview with Angel TV, the actor said “It got to sometime my parents despised me and never cared about me because my colleagues kept increasing in size but I remained where I was. I was contemplating ending my life”. According to the actor, he has accepted his faith and he has come to the conclusion he will never increase in size because he believes it is his destiny. He also added that his sibling have normal growth and are much taller and bigger than him. “My other sisters are grown and bigger than me. I believe my size is the work of God which I have to be content with. I have not made any attempt to go to the hospital to find out if there is something wrong with me medically or not. I trust in God and commit everything to prayer”.

I HATE OUR SPECIE AND WHAT THEY DO.

My name e is Trenton and i’m posting this out of confusion, hopelessness and honestly the rest of the reasons i don’t know. Obliviously being on this site shows that i don’t want to live anymore. I hate this world for what it is i hate our species and what they do. I’ve felt this way for quite a while now and i always thought “can’t i change it?”. But then reality comes to play and shows me that i can’t. I simply don’t have the motivation or discipline to even think i could change it. As i’m speaking right i should be reading a book for a project but when i try to read it, i can’t get myself to because of my lack of disciplined mind. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since middleshcool and i’m now becoming a junior in highschool. I hate our species for many reasons, i hate how ignorant we are and how selfish and cruel we are. I’m not saying “everyone in the world are assholes but me” because i know, despite i care for others and try my best, that i too make the same mistakes which is exactly ...

I'M READY TO DIE

My name is Trenton and i’m posting this out of confusion, hopelessness and honestly the rest of the reasons i don’t know. Obliviously being on this site shows that i don’t want to live anymore. I hate this world for what it is i hate our species and what they do. I’ve felt this way for quite a while now and i always thought “can’t i change it?”. But then reality comes to play and shows me that i can’t. I simply don’t have the motivation or discipline to even think i could change it. As i’m speaking right i should be reading a book for a project but when i try to read it, i can’t get myself to because of my lack of disciplined mind. I’ve had suicidal thoughts since middleshcool and i’m now becoming a junior in highschool. I hate our species for many reasons, i hate how ignorant we are and how selfish and cruel we are. I’m not saying “everyone in the world are assholes but me” because i know, despite i care for others and try my best, that i too make the same mistakes which is exactly wh...

THERE IS SO MUCH MORE BUT I DON'T SEE THE POINT OF A PITY PARTY.

Hi, I’m Nicole. I’m sorry that you’re here, but I’m also glad that you understand. I would never consider death if there weren’t so many barriers to survival. I mean, many of those barriers are within myself, but there doesn’t seem to be much help to fix those things. I have tried counseling and talking with friends and praying (which I very much believe in), but I still feel wretched. I just can’t handle failure or any kind of mistake, really. It comes from years of abuse and others’ harsh reactions to childhood mistakes. Now, I react to failure in a way that resembles muscle memory. I start crying, and my body is paralyzed with panic, but the thinking comes later, after these things are already set in motion. If I could control it, I would. For instance, I lead worship at my church (don’t even get on me about religion or God, I believe what I believe), and I messed up in a pretty obvious way the other day. Luckily, my friend was helping me lead, so when my body reacted as usual, sh...

I AM AFRAID

How does one overcome fear at that fateful moment? Fear of the unknown, of what comes after. Let us assume something does indeed come after. For even if there is nothing that comes after, we will still fear the unknown on that fateful final day. So, how to overcome that fear? Letting go of all of our memories and ourselves. So much pain and misery and guilt. Self hate. Getting rid of that will feel good. But our memories of love will be painful to extinguish. Still, that’s off topic, the fear is there. I used to go out of body when I was younger and I would realize my true self. I would be the real me and see this existence as nothing. That’s the only times that I was able to remove myself and not be afraid of what happens here. Alcohol, drugs, etc never worked to get me out of myself in that way. To be fearless. I had nothing to fear in those out of body moments because I felt this wasn’t truly me. But while inhabiting this body, I don’t know how to fight the fear. Maybe for so...

DEATH PHOTO OF LAS VEGAS MASS MURDERER Stephen Paddock HAS BEEN LEAKED AND SUICIDE NOTE

Mass Murderer, 64 year old Stephen Paddock killed 59 people before taking his own life in his hotel room at Mandalay Bay resort. His suicide pic has been leaked. He apparently shot himself in the chest and head. He had planned to escape after shooting for 10minutes, but killed himself when he realised he couldn’t escape. Meanwhile, it’s been revealed it took the police 75minutes to enter his hotel room after the shooting stopped. See the alleged pic below… Images from inside Stephen Paddock’s Las Vegas hotel room reveal a jumble of high-powered weapons, dozens of scattered shell casings, a possible note, along with his corpse. The leaked photographs, some of them too graphic to publish, suggest Paddock killed himself with a shot to the head shortly before a police SWAT team stormed his room. Some believe the images may contain a possible note or letter, The leaked images, which were first published by MailOnline, provide a striking insight into the sheer number...

A REAL FAMILY WOULD LISTEN TO WHY I WAS UPSET AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND

I was looking through the family camera when i seen all these photos with my dad and the rest of the family, must have been for his birthday. But i am not there. I was not invited. When i brought it up with my mum,Â visiblyÂ angryÂ Â she just ignored me and told me to shut up. They all think it’s normal and that i am ‘overreacting’. Wow. My mum is moving house and she wants me to move in with her and my brother. Fuck that. I would rather be homeless, honestly. This environment is fucked, it’s so damaging. I want out. I need out. I will not live much longer if i move in there. UPDATE: My mum just told me that i seen dad earlier that day and when i left they went back and seen him with the rest of my family. It’s not even that anymore. It’s that when i confronted my family they were like “Whatever” or just ignored me. They dismissed how i felt and believed i was overreacting. A real family would listen to why i was so upset and try to understand what happened.

I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME HOW TO FIX MY LIFE.

Hi Im 21 I’ve never used a site like this before but things have happened in my life that I have had no support for I’ll start with the story of when my mum and dad broke up (and I know what your thinking it happens to everyone) but this is when my spiral into depression started. I remember the day it all really kicked off, just a few hours after they broke it to us. I’ll explain that I have an older brother and sister that have a different dad, I share mine with my younger brother. Anyway back to that night, I just remember hearing a huge bang and we all went to the front door and saw my mum smashing up my dads car with a crow bar, he instantly rang the police, Ican remember screaming at him hysterically begging him not to press charges on my mum. My mum was violently abused by my dad all through their 16 year marriage so when she found out he’d put her through that hell and then cheated on her she finally snapped. Out of the divorce came a lot of secrets about my dad. About a mont...

THAT IMAGE WILL STAY WITH ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

I’m 18 years old (19 in less than a month) and I have been depressed since I was 12. I grew up with my Mum and Dad but my Dad passed away in September 2010 when I was 13. I actually saw him disintegrate in the hospital and it’s literally the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever had to see and that image will stay with me for the rest of my life. He had Huntington’s disease and was unable to look after himself as it affects his speech, movement and eating, he also used to jitter constantly. In 2013 I got tested for the disease and I came with a positive result so when I reach 30 my symptoms will start. This terrifies me as I have seen what it did to my Dad, the people staring at him in the streets… also one of my ‘school friends’ was teasing me about how my Dad was disabled because he saw him in one of my assembly at Primary school – that broke my heart but I had to pretend it didn’t affect me. My mum gave up on my Dad she said she didn’t love him anymore purely because he was disabled. Sh...

I FEEL LIKE I CAN'T GO ON.

I am so very lonely..and tired. I lost the love of my life seven years ago….we had been married for nine years. He died suddenly of a heart attack and I was the one who found him dead. I can’t explain how much I loved this man and how him dying at 39 yrs old almost killed me too. I had been disabled a few years before he died, I have spinal and brain tumors, and the surgeries not only disabled me, but caused me so much pain in the aftermath, that I lost my job as a trauma nurse because I could no longer do twelve hour shifts. What made it so hard was the crippling depression after all of this. After about eight months after losing my love, I was out with friends at dinner. Afterwards, I was walking to my car when two young men grabbed me, pulled me behind the restaurant, and both raped me. I really felt like I couldn’t go on. They were finally convicted of eight rapes of different women…but their fathers were rich and somehow used enough money to bribe parole boards, judges and such, ...

I'VE WANTED TO KILL MYSELF SINCE I WAS YOUNG.

I’ve wanted to kill myself since I was very young. I was raised knowing that I wasn’t very much liked in my family and knowing I’ve caused so much pain over the years just existing is killing me inside. Nobody deserves the things I’ve done and I just can’t be this person anymore. When my mom got pregnant for me she was cheating on my younger sister’s father with my father, who was dying. When I was born my mother want allowed to tell many people about my real father because her boyfriend didn’t want people to know. My father died the day I turned 9 months old and ever since I’ve been resented by so many and just being around his family caused so much pain because I was all that was left of him. Just watching all of this happen growing up had just hurt so much and I Just hate myself so much for even being here. I can’t stand it anymore and now my life is just a mess. I can’t work right now and I’m pretty much homeless with nowhere to turn. I have nothing, but myself and the guilt and I ...

I WISH I HAD NEVER BEING BORN

I wish I had never been born, I shouldn’t have been born. My mother wasn’t even supposed to be able to have kids and almost died multiple times trying to have me. I almost died and wasn’t even supposed to make it past a few months of living when I was born. I’m currently laying on the bathroom floor in the robotics area of my school because I didn’t feel like going to class, again. I skip a lot more now and I’m still in so much fucking pain from when they left. I started smoking cigarettes, cutting, and burning myself since they left. October 14th will make it 5 months since they left. October 21st will be the length of how long we were together before they left. I was supposed to have an actually good summer and birthday this year, but no, I had to fuck it up and be too much of a monster for them to want to be with me anymore. It hurts even more because I can’t get the thought about the night they went to some pool party he lied to me about on May 6th, and that girl’s name, I can stil...

I CAN'T COPE ANYMORE.

Sometimes it feels like I’m coping, maybe even okay. Then I’m back to anxious and sad and missing my ex so much my chest hurts. I want her to be missing me. She probably is, but it doesn’t feel like it. At one point she’d said she was planning to contact me a few months after the breakup, because she missed me so much and still wanted me in her life. I think all that’s over. She wasn’t planning to leave the state then. Now she has. Maybe she’ll come back, but… I feel like she’s done with me. I feel like I’m the one who has lost more, even though I can see how I’m actually setup to “recover” better. I may not be as smart as her or socially skilled, but I don’t have ptsd. I thought- we both thought- that she had dealt with her ptsd more than she has. She may never have the family relationships that she wants or may always struggle with them. It may take years for her to feel like she can be in a relationship again. She had said she’s afraid she’ll never be able to fully open up with s...

DEPRESSED, LONELY AND GRIEVING.

I failed. I don’t mean that I’m a failure as a person or that my fiance leaving me means I’m not “good enough,” but that I failed to be the person that she wanted to be with, the person she felt she could be with. I failed to be the person she thought of as family, as someone permanent. This is what hurts the most. It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m the one left behind, the one who’ll take longer to recover (if ever?). She’ll go back to school this semester, taking five classes (although honestly, based on her track record, I suspect she’ll drop at least one of them- she always thinks she can take on that much, but it never worked out that way), and do well not only in her grades but in creating relationships that could give her recommendations. Compared to her, I’m not a good student. I’m supposed to graduate in December and I don’t have anyone to give me recommendations. Even when I was with her (and before) it seemed like every semester my depression and/or anxiety fucked some...

UNBEARABLE LOSS

The sadness is a heavy weight in my chest, a deep empty feeling. It’s better than being angry, I think, but this pain is so consuming. If I’m not actively distracting myself (and even sometimes when I am) I can just feel her absence, the loss. I don’t want to feel this way. I’m so tired of being sad. And even worse, I think I’d be happy if my heart wasn’t broken. After ten years I finally feel like my depression is lifting, but I still feel incredibly sad anyway. It still feels unreal, that she left. She’s my best friend- I was her best friend- and I thought we could get through anything. I thought she was willing to fight for us. I don’t know if it matters why she left, but that she could do it. That she no longer wants to be with me. I know it doesn’t have to do with me being “not good enough” but it still feels like I failed- I failed to be the person she wanted to be with, to be the person she’d always fight for. It hurts so much that she choose not to be with me, that she doesn...

DEPRESSION IS MY BURDEN AND PUNISHMENT

I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. Looking back, I was a sad, quiet, depressed kid. Thought I was just lonely kid with little to no friends. But now that I know better I do think that I was just such a dark, gloomy, sad girl. Maybe I had sad aura that made people not wanting to get close to me. I think it’s true nowadays too. It’s almost like I repel people. People won’t want to get to know you if you look sad or miserable. I used to just cry and felt sad everyday, every minute for being so depressed. I’m still sad now, BUT, I now can rationalize my unlucky life. I see my depression as my punishment in life. Maybe I was such an evil person in my previous lives (I believe in reincarnation) and being so sad in my life now is just justice. Also, here’s what I usually say to myself whenever I feel like asking “why me?” I was born healthy and am still health. I’m not blind, don’t have any deathly illness, I don’t have anything wrong with me physically. THEREFORE, my life s...

WHAT CAN I DO WITH MY TORTURING LIFE

I am 18 years old and i have been depressed and sad every single day of my fucking life for a very long time now. From the time that i wake up in the morning until night before sleep i feel terrible and sooo depressed and i can’t live like this anymore. My awful physical appearance make me hate my self and become an introvert. I am very short and have a small childlike face. I literally look like a 10 year old kid. I never had a relationship with a girl and never will. I am just an outcast in this society. This makes me so sad since i know that i will be alone forever. I have no aims in my life at all. I am so fucking unattractive both as a character and as an appearance. Seriously, i understand that. Even if i was i girl i wouldn’t want to do anything with a fucking kid. There so many happy average normal people that live happily, having fun with their girlfriend and enjoy life, which make me feel so terrible and sad because o know that i will never have the chance to enjoy anything l...

MY STORY PRIOR TO SUICIDE

Dear anyone I am an 18 year old guy and my life is shit for the last 10 years with no exaggeration. I am really fucking depressed and I keep everything inside me for a very long time but I found this site some time ago and I would like to write my story before I end my miserable life. I know many of you will get bored and close this page in the midway because it will be very long but I don’t care for anything anymore. The problem is that I am just so fucking ugly. I have nothing on me to like about. I am so fucking short, 5’4, with a slim & weak body and I have a small & childlike face as well as poor eyesight. I am literally like a fucking 10 year old boy. Seriously, I mean it, my eyes are tiny and my nose & mouth the same. Whenever I tell someone my age no-one believes me. Not only I have a small features but also I am very ugly, my face is flat and tiny with horrible structure. I never had a girlfriend and I would never have because I am so fucking short, weak and I lo...

I'M A GOOD PERSON, WHY DO I NEED TO SUFFER LIKE THIS?

My life is shit for many reasons and i am destined to suffer until the last second that i will live in this hell. And the worst thing is that i honestly believe that i don’t deserve this kind of life. I was always a good person, respected & help others and NEVER done anything bad to anyone. So why i am living this hell? I want to enjoy what others are enjoying… but instead i will never have a girlfriend because i am so fucking short, ugly and child looking, i will never have a family and i will become a fucking miserable 80 year old and then die alone like i never existed in this fucking place. Yes, i as well wanted many things in this life but unlike others, i will be unable to even try to achieve them because i was unlucky and born with the worst genes possible. I always wanted to become an athlete, but no because you are born so weak and skinny i am not allowed. I would have like to know how to play a music instrument, but no because my fucking parents didn’t give a damn when i ...

SORRY I NO LONGER BELIEVE IN GOD

Eternal suffering…this is what my life is destined for. Somehow I’ve known this all 34 years of my life, but I never wanted to accept it until now. I’ve worked hard to earn a “Good life” but none of it means anything if you have no one who cares to share it with you. I recently watched the movie “The Shack” hoping it may restore my faith in God, but the message in the movie didn’t hit the mark for me. The premise being God can’t prevent evil from happening, and forgiveness is the only way to find inner peace, but I can’t forgive everyone that has ignored my needs and indirectly stabbed me in the back and in the heart. I’ve never truly felt God’s presence in my life. As much as I’ve wanted to in the past, as much as I’ve tried to be a good Christian…I continued to always be isolated and alone. For years I’ve been a hero to some and a Saint to others, yet in all that I’ve done to help others along, they take what they want from me and let the door hit me on the way out. I was naive to b...

MY SOUL IS EMPTY AND MY BODY IS NUMB

If all the slightly depressed die, then the not-depressed-but-not-happy population will be the worst off

Maybe these bastards won’t let us die and want to keep us around so they can always point to us and feel better about themselves. After all, human happiness is relative and is based on comparisons with our peers. -If all the super depressed people die, then the slightly depressed will be the most depressed in the population, and they’d feel worse than “just a little bad off.”my -If all the slightly depressed die, then the not-depressed-but-not-happy population will be the worst off, so they’ll feel like sh*t, because after all, everyone else is happy BUT them. -And so on and so forth. If that example is hard to understand, think of it as test scores. -If all the F students are gone, then the C’s and D’s are the worst scorers in the class. -If all the D’s get kicked out, then only As Bs and Cs are left. So now if you’re the C student, it used to be not that horrible because at least you passed. But now, you can only get an A, B or C. And you scored a C so… -Now if the C’s are gon...

I MISS BEING HAPPY

people try to pretend to be all nice to me and there for me, but when i have a “bad day” they leave. i just need someone who understands me. i cant do this anymore i cant pretend to have all these friends becasue im only cheeting myself, everyone around me knows that they dont like me and that im being played. im tired of getting the friends that dont even want me. today i have a friend that told me that because i had a bad day i cant talk to her for a week. its been two weeks and she still wont let me talk to her. the time that i thought i had a good friend and they dont even want me. i miss being happy.